The Power of Memories

I sit here and feel grateful that I have amazing memories of my Father. Of times we laughed together, fun times we shared, advice he gave me and the things he taught me while he was part of my life here on earth.

I am blessed, truly blessed to come to a place in my heart and soul knowing that my Father is still part of my life even though I am not physically able to spend time with him. It has been a long journey to be able to say that I am content. After  eight years, I have learned how to cope with the pain of losing my Father, the pain and suffering it brought my family and myself, and turn to a place of gratitude.

My Father was my best friend. We were cut from the same cloth, the same internal fire, the same smile, the same strengths and weaknesses. So being without him, in my day to day life was really really hard. I remember for about the first year, I still expected to hear his voice and I was still waiting for him to call me on the phone.

Once that passed, I remember going into the next stage which was anger. Why my Dad? Why did he have to die? Why did cancer take his life and spare others? It wasn't fair and I lived in that dark place for a long time. That time was heart-wrenching.

I spent many years in a place of emotional limbo. Happy and sad. It is like moving through life, through all these wonderful milestones, longing to share those moments with my Dad.

Over the last year and a half,  I feel like I have finally became calm in my being. I miss my Dad so incredibly much and that will always be the case. I have learned how to live with the sadness, to not excuse it, not ignore it  but not let it cripple me either.

I have also learned that I am so blessed to have had such an incredible relationship with my Father.  He was a great man, that filled my life and heart with love. He raised me to be the woman I am and all of my "Dad" memories, I carry around with me everyday. They are mine, and no one can take them from me.

The power of memories have allowed me to stay connected to my Father, and I still have a relationship with him. I still talk to him and ask for his guidance. When I am in a challenging situation, or I have to make an important decision, I can close my eyes and for a moment sit with my memories of my Dad and ask him to guide me to my answer or decision. By doing so today, I still have my Dad's direction and guidance.

The connection I had with my Father did not die. It lives within me, in my soul, in my heart, in my memories and that brings me the greatest comfort.

It is the power of memories that gives me the strength to continue my journey, he may not hold my hand anymore, but he holds my heart and soul.